


Your Beautiful Song

by the_only_education_worth_having



Category: History Boys (2006), History Boys - All Media Types, History Boys - Bennett
Genre: Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Non-Canonical Character Death, Oxford, References to Depression, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2018-12-26 15:32:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12061890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_only_education_worth_having/pseuds/the_only_education_worth_having
Summary: It's not like you to walk away in the middle of a song.





	Your Beautiful Song

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little cathartic piece involving the history boys.

Akthar had no idea. Sure, he’d heard about the trouble Posner had had at university but he had figured Oxford wasn’t for everyone. And he’d been so busy in this last year. His first year of teaching had taken up a lot of his time so when Posner had rung he had promised to meet up in a couple of weeks, once term was over. But he hadn’t. And when he got back from his celebratory holiday the messages were piled up on his answering machine.

_You must've a been in a place so dark, couldn't feel the light,  
Reachin' for you through that stormy cloud,_

Crowther didn’t know. He had really blossomed at university even though his grades weren’t as stellar as they used to be, drinking at the student union and sports socials having dampened his studies a tad. So, he didn’t keep in contact people from home as much, as he had grown into a new circle of friends. But when his mum called and told him the news, he was on the first train back to Sheffield.

_Now here we are gathered in our little home town,  
This can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd,_

Timms had an inkling. Posner had always been a weird kid but he’d always accepted it. Even the gay thing. He hadn’t seen Posner since the first year of university but from what he heard from other people he hadn’t changed much, so he’d always made excuses when Posner had asked to meet up. When Dakin had rung, he’d been physically sick.

_Oh why, that's what I keep askin',  
Was there anything I could have said or done,_

Lockwood didn’t know. He’d gone his own way at university. The only people he really kept in touch with nowadays were Dakin and Timms. Since he’d joined the army he hadn’t even spoken to them much. When he’d got the call, he’d begged his commanding officer for time off but it was refused. So, he’d sent his condolences via his mother.

_Oh I, had no clue you were masking a troubled soul, God only knows,  
What went wrong, and why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song._

Rudge hadn’t a clue.  He was back in Sheffield now. He’d even met up with Posner just last week, they went to the rugby though it wasn’t at all Posner’s thing so it was quite awkward. He’d tried as much as he could to cheer him up, mostly by reminding Posner of their school days. He thought he’d made an impact when they’d left the pub Posner had been wearing the biggest smile on his face. He’d bought flowers from all the boys.

_Now in my mind I keep you frozen as a seventeen-year-old,_

_Roundin' third to score that winning run,_  
You always played with passion no matter what the game,  
When you took the stage you shined just like the sun,  


Dakin had sort of known. Most of what he found out had come through Scripps and he hadn’t been brave enough to bring it up with the boy himself. If he were honest with himself, he kind of thought it was his fault. He couldn’t love Posner back, but he could have been more understanding. He could have made more of an effort. Scripps had to force him to come.

 _Now the oak trees are swayin' in the early autumn breeze,_  
The golden sun is shining on my face,  
The tangled thoughts I hear a mockingbird sing,  
This old world really ain't that bad a place,

Scripps knew Scripps had always known. It had started once they went to university, maybe even before that. Scripps was the one who helped prop him up. He’d forced him to study and brought him food from the canteen when he refused to eat. He’d mostly sat with him, opting to bring his work to Posner’s room just so he’d have some company. Scripps had tried, he really had. He’d been the one to call Posner’s parents.

 _Oh, why there's no comprehending,_  
And who am I to try to judge or explain,  
Oh, but I do have one burning question,  
Who told you life, wasn't worth the fight,  
They were wrong,  
They lied.

Posner had thought things would change. He honestly did. Once he was out of Sheffield.  Once he was away from his small-town parents and people who didn’t get it. He’d always been accepted, but not one of the boys had been _like_ him. So, when he got to university he’d been happier, for a fraction of a second. Yet, he and the boys used to be big fishes in little ponds. Now not so much. Now there were so many boys _like_ him, which meant he wasn’t special. And he couldn’t cope with it.

_And now you're gone,  
And we cried,_

He started to flounder. His grades dropped and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t focus long enough to raise them. Soon he stopped trying. Other people on his course didn’t get it, they even resented him. He was lucky enough to get a place at one of the top universities in the country and he was wasting it. He stayed in his room most of the time. His bed was much more inviting than anything outside. Scripps came around a lot. Forced him to get up. Forced him to eat something and get dressed. When Posner was too exhausted they’d sit on his bed and he would read to him. When he was in better spirits he’d bring some of his cassettes over and the two of them would listen to them. Things hadn’t changed even when they left university. If anything, they got worse.  When things got too bad Scripps had called his parents. Forced him to go home. His mother had found him.

 _'Cause It's not like you, to walk away in the middle of a song,_  
Your beautiful song,  
Your absolutely beautiful song.


End file.
